I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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