I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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