You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
