I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My penis needs a shock collar
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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