I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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