Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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