woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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