We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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