She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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