I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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