I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
