I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
