I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
