he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize