Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
