Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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