dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
