i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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