I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
