She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize