I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
