You're earring is so big in my mouth
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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