I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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