i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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