He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
