You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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