so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
