I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
