erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
