Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I want her autograph on my taint
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
