Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
