i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
