1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
