Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
