Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
