I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Someone shit on the floor
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
