Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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