I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
