EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
