I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
