my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
