It's like God shit irony all over that family
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
