sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
