girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just pee around me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
