And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
