Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
