I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
