Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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