He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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