So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
