Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
