1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
