Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
