i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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